How to stop being a push over: A five step process

Aug 24, 2016

We always hear that life is like a jungle, and only the strongest of them all succeed.  In a way, this is true, because only those who really know what they want from life and are willing to do what it takes, are the final winners. Not all of us are like this, and the fact that people are unique makes the world beautiful as it is, and while some individuals are born with this drive in their veins, the rest of us can simply learn the steps to acquire that strong character.

It is obvious that we all want to be positive, to be that kind of person who always accomplishes what he/she proposes, and to be admired for our charisma and determination. We, humans, are social creatures by definition and we yearn for acceptance and appreciation, but this should not, in any case, turn us into pushovers just for the sake of it. Here you have five crucial steps that will help you stop being one and transform your life just the way you want it.

  1. Stop trying to please everyone

No one wants to be an outcast, but if you invest too much energy in pleasing others, you’ll end up realizing that everything has been in vain. It’s been proven that you should focus on yourself first and then look at the others; this doesn’t mean you have to be an egocentric asshole, but you have to put yourself and your well being on top of everything else because no one will do it for you. People follow their own agenda and that’s what you should do too.

You need to learn to stand up for yourself and say what you need to every once in a while without fearing that you’ll hurt people’s feelings. Neglecting your feelings and desires will not help you in any way; neither will accepting people’s ideas just to avoid a fight. You need to fight, and the truth is, you’ll never be able to avoid all fights no matter how much you try.

  1. Always look for the bright side of things

Remember that your refusal doesn’t have to turn into a blood bath; you can easyily say no and still be gentleman/lady at the same time. You can always find excuses for your answer even if you are not completely honest with those people, this way you will still be friendly and get to keep the relation on good terms.

You can say things like “Sounds great, we can do it another time” and make them feel like you are there for them while dodging the whole drama of say “NO” with a straight face. It all depends on what kind of relationship with that individual.

  1. Practice your assertion skill daily

Sticking to your ‘NO’ can be a hard thing to do when you are dealing with people (i.e., your girlfriend/boyfriend) who can be quite pushy or bootlicker in their approach. We all know those people who finally get things exactly how they wanted in the end. They use all kinds of ‘threats’ and blackmails to make us give up our position and they finally manage to change our mind.

You need to practice your skills, with a mirror or with friends; it doesn’t matter that much as long as in the end, you’ll be able to say “NO” once and for all.

  1. Get rid of your fears

Being afraid of people’s rejection and reproach can be a real turn off in your attempt to saying no…you should stop doing this!! Learn to express yourself exactly how you feel without fearing the reaction. If someone likes you just the way you are: good! If not, that’s even better, trust me!

Being involved in the toxic relationships with people who only see their needs and ideals is not good for you; you’ll only suffer and finally end up realizing you’ve lost precious time with those people, time you could’ve spent doing constructive things.

  1. Change the environment/ people

Sometimes, no matter how much you try to change, you just can’t do it while being surrounded by the wrong people. Your efforts are being swallowed up by individuals who are set on tearing you down just so they feel good about themselves.

In this case, it is time for you to find new friends. It has been proven that we are heavily influenced by our group of friends and if we are surrounded with successful people, we have a great chance of becoming successful ourselves. So, if you feel like you are being pushed beyond any acceptable limits, just remove the cause and all the effects will vanish with it.